Gifts That Say I Hate You
Bad Breath Giant Plush Microbe
Don't have the heart to tell your honey about his halitosis? Break the news softly with this adorable "Bad Breath" plush microbe. This cuddly guy will not-so-subtly clue in your cutie and hopefully prompt some improved oral hygiene.
Bad Breath Giant Plush Microbe
Gifts That Say I Hate You
Boyfriend Pillow
This one-armed-torso-shaped pillow – replete with partial pajamas! – is the perfect way to say, "I think you're great and all, but I just really don't want to sleep next to you, so here's a memory-foam facsimile of me. See you in the morning!"
Boyfriend Pillow
Gifts That Say I Hate You
Bittersweets
Sometimes you need a stronger sentiment than "Be Mine," especially if he's already been yours for years. Consider then these Despair, Inc. Bittersweets that reflect a more storied relationship with sayings like, "Mutual Disgust," "No Fix 4 Dumb," and "I Been Creepin."
Bittersweets
Gifts That Say I Hate You
Cu-Pig, The Match Making Swine
Sure, a singing, dancing stuffed animal may seem like your typical Valentine's Day fare, but Cu-Pig, The Match Making swine also happens to have wings. Do you really want a flying pig to be the one predicting your romantic future?
Cu-Pig The Match Making Swine
Gifts That Say I Hate You
Human Heart Model
He makes your heart race. He makes your heart skip a beat. He makes your heart swell with love. Well, now you can accurately show him the literal cardiological effect he is having on your ticker with this dissectable, large-size human heart model.
Human Heart Model
Gifts That Say I Hate You
Heart-Shaped Almond
Many bizarre Valentine's Day-ready heart-shaped foods have made their way through eBay over the years, from potatoes to olives. But we're fans of this almond because the seller is asking a $20 minimum bid, yet "cannot guarantee its freshness or taste." Aw, nuts.
Heart-Shaped Almond
Gifts That Say I Hate You
Sex For Dummies
Okay, so maybe this isn't the most subtle hint for your amorously-challenged sweetie, but this gag can easily become a real gift. As Ross from Friends once said, "Someone at work gave me Sex For Dummies as a joke, but look who's laughing now!"
Sex For Dummies
Gifts That Say I Hate You
Love Stinks Soap
Whether you're just cursing cupid or your guy has a literal odor problem, this bar of soap can help clear the air. Suds up with these bellicose bubbles and wash that man right off of your skin – or have your man wash off that stench!
Love Stinks Soap
Gifts That Say I Hate You
Doormat
You're always nagging him to wipe his feet at the door, so you may think this bristled welcome mat is a thoughtful gift. But before you go around giving out doormats to any significant others, please, think of the underlying implication.
Esschert Doormat
Gifts That Say I Hate You
Valentine's Day Seat Sock
Just because your relationship has reached a "leave the bathroom door open" level of comfort doesn't mean you should be decorating your toilet with pink hearts and squiggles. But hey – at least it'll look festive when your man leaves the seat up.
Valentine's Day Seat Socks
Gifts That Say I Hate You
